Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A revelation at last

I seem to be running into some trouble. Basically, I consider myself a newb at programming. Yes a newb. Not because I don't know anything, but because I have never actually made anything. I understand a lot of programming concepts of how to do certain things, but I have yet to actually sit down and make an application of my own. Yes, I made that notepad program, but that was mostly goofing around with one feature then it turned into something else.

No no my problem lies in the fact I don't believe in myself. Have you all ever run into that problem?

I think one thing that holds me up is I understand how to do a, b, and c, but when it comes to putting a and c together. I freak out because it requires that I know how to do d and e too. Well first off I have no frelling idea that I need to know d and e in the first place. Then when I do figure that out I just play with D and E seperately, but am afraid to venture out and put them together with A and C.

I guess the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" falls into this. I think my biggest fear is failure not from an aspect of a project, but in life. I feel that if I do fail at programming then nothing will matter after that, and since I have spent my last several years working for this goal I will feel it a waste.

I offered to help do the blockengine because I figured hey something I can work on that will be fun and that I can actually figure out because others will be there to help, but as before I find that I have run into the problem that I need D and E, but I don't know what they are or where to look.

This is a tormenting problem that has been going through my head for the last couple of weeks. I think it is time for me to stand up to myself. I realize I am a coward, and I need to change.

Has anyone else gone through this at all or am I alone once more out on that dreadful limb?

Buddy Lindsey

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